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As Joseph Nicolosi says so poetically, he’s making “…ritual connection with his penis…

to connect with his lost maleness.” John Eldredge once pointed out that puberty awakens two things in a young man: his sexuality and his hunger for the blessing of his manhood.

If his father and the men around him don’t realize this need and affirm his sense of masculinity, then these two desires can become confused and intertwined.

A young man can see his sexuality as the means to feel like a man – to be affirmed or at least to find relief from all the ways he doesn’t feel like a man. Its an attempt at self love, at caring for yourself and it won’t make you anymore whole. If anything, it only piles on the shame, the self hate, the feelings that you truly are a failure as a man. It was hard to feel much other than utterly broken. Aware only that something important was happening in his heart, he wisely decided that now more than ever he needed to be with his heart and God. There on the trail in his time with God he became aware of how young he felt, like a little boy.

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Masturbation becomes the way to medicate all the ways he was never loved well by his father or father substitute. The urge to masturbate must be a sign to you that some deep place inside either is in pain and needs healing or simply needs for more love and affirmation. He remembered these feelings, knew them all too well.

He is getting relief from his insecurity and lack of confidence. His father had abandoned him emotionally at a young age, checked out into alcohol. So ask yourself what’s really going on in your heart.

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